The smallest things matter so much...
Tonight, I stayed out of the way. I know that my mobility is an issue, and my tremor is a hindrance. But after dinner, I went to go make myself a beverage at the same time as my hubby. And he got annoyed with me, because I was in the way. And taking time. And it honestly hurts my soul. I've told him over the last year a million times to just tell me when I'm in the way, I know it happens. But instead I get a huff, a sigh of disappointment, a startling clink as he moves things on the table. I know that he's trying to not hurt my feelings, but it hurts so much more to see the masked frustration. Just tell me that I'm in the way. Just tell me when I need to change course. I will. It's devastating sometimes...
Right now I'm feeling the feels, I'll be fine soon. But I'm giving myself the space to feel it.
And after I feel it, I will address it directly so we can stay strong and continue forward on this unanticipated path.
💜💜
Follow up! We did have that honest and open conversation. I started it off, and I started it like this:
I know that you love me. And I love you. So now I'm going to acknowledge that my actions are not always going to go as planned, and there will be times that I get in the way. And there will be times that I fumble, drop something, fall over. So what I want from you is to just be honest with me when that bothers you. If I'm coming into your space at a less than ideal time, just ask me to wait and tell me how long.
I don't want us to unintentionally hurt each other, and I don't ever want a resentment to build.
And he agreed wholeheartedly, we've been much better at openly communicating.
💜💜I love that phrase going possum! It's so on point.
And yeah, I get the complicated family. We had... issues. And from a young age, we were coached to never talk about it. Never tell anyone. Because the CPS would take us kids away and split us up and we'd never see each other again.
It took me so many years of being honest with myself and really diving deep to be able to start speaking my truth. And still now, when I become uncomfortable I 'go possum' until I can fully see what's happening and respond in a way that is positive for me.
But the flip side of the past, growing up as a child of crisis, I have this innate ability to react calmly and efficiently when actual bad things happen. I can compartmentalize my emotions from the event to store them away for later and manage the situation at hand. So... even though my past hurt me, it helped me in the long term.
See, there I go again with the silver lining 🤣. I don't think I have the ability to not see something positive about things I encounter. Hopeless optimist me...
Sending you love and healing thoughts 💜💜
I just love this moment of full transparency! I'm so glad you two were able to understand each others view and position on the matter. What a great display of compromising and pushing through the hard times 💜 I'm rooting for you both! All the best, Latoya (Team Member)
t’s tough when communication breaks down, especially when you're trying your best. It's great that you’re allowing yourself to feel your emotions and plan to address the situation openly with your hubby.
thank you Liam! I don't believe I've interacted with you yet, but I really appreciate your feedback and support. And I agree! It's tough when you or the person you're interacting with can't find the words. And when you're trying your best but falling short? You're already thinking the negative thoughts yourself. It makes it easier to project your own feelings onto the other person's reactions, and that just digs a hole.
I look forward to seeing more of your story and am wishing you the very best! 💜💜
thank you! I grew up in a household that was not the greatest. We had some abuse and neglect (all have been addressed and mended in my adulthood) but it left some scars that took me years to address. I have spent the last decade learning how to respectfully and openly communicate, and sometimes it still causes me some great anxiety. But it's worth it everytime. 💜💜 
that's beautiful, thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear that you've taken the steps that you need to heal previous wounds, all while having compassion with the reality that those kind of scars need continually nurturing and grace. I'm glad to see that you're giving that to yourself.
Best
Alene (team member)
