I've been unintentionally torturing myself

The hubby and I started during the last year watching Survivor. Like binge watching on streaming. And we've watched a lot! I enjoy it, I am surprised at how much I like the show.

BUT I find myself comparing my current abilities to the contestants and feeling discouraged. And not even discouraged by what THEY are able to do. But by what I was able to do a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. What I have actually done.

And I start to feel that loss. You know what I'm talking about. All of you active in the forum have mentioned it at one point or another. The loss of experience. Of balance. Of ability.

And it brings feelings of sadness and despair and desire. I want to get back to where I was. I want to bring back the person that can walk easily. I want to bring back the person that can homestead in a very unforgiving environment. I want to bring back the person that danced on her wedding day. I miss being the person who snuck out of the house at the age of 13 and skipped down the road to find adventure. I miss being the person who rallied the coworkers to dance outside in the rain in the middle of the night.

I won't give up. But I'm almost realistic. I may never bring that girl, that woman back. But I won't give up trying. I'll find new ways to let my soul shine.

And tomorrow, we start a new season of Survivor, and I will be okay with it.