I've decided that it's time to return to my life.
Despite many symptoms that I've learned really started in my preteen years and just slowly progressed, my neurological symptoms never stopped me until December 2023. Sure, sometimes they slowed me down.. and they were often disruptive, but they didn't stop me. But they hit me hard that December, adding new symptoms and magnifying the original symptoms to make them seem new.
I've spent the time learning my new reality and working within the space that I now have. And I've worked on my mindset and emotional recognition. Now I'm finally ready to accept where I am, knowing that my truth may change again at any point. And knowing that I may never have answers medically.
But I'm ready. I've learned to navigate the world again, and how my body is reacting to the stimuli it's feeling. I am not going to let myself stop any longer. I'll be smart about it, and I'll listen to myself when something is wrong. But I'm going to re-enter the land of the living and start doing things again.
I'm going to hike again. This spring. Maybe (probably) not the same hiking paths I went before, but I'm going to take my hiking poles and go. I'm going to start actually looking at the live shows in my area and make plans to attend the ones I want to. I'm going to travel back east and see my family.
Now that I've learned how to give myself grace, and actually speak when I'm struggling what I need, I am confident that if I have trouble I can get the assist that I may need. And I trust myself to determine the line that I need to draw.
I'm excited. And I'm tired of going from appointment to appointment with nothing fulfilling in between. And not to say I've been miserable, but I definitely haven't been living my best life or necessarily always present in the moment. I want to make the most of what remains as long as I'm able, and adjust along the way.
You are all so amazing, and I feel empowered by your spirits and strength. 💜💜
Hi
thank you so much for sharing with us. Your story is inspirational. I love how you have given yourself grace and ask for help when needed. I am excited for you, I believe this positive mindset will bring great joy to your life. Please keep us posted of your hiking adventures. And I am sure your family will be so happy to see you. I think you are amazing 😀. Jill (Team Member) it's weird, when you realize that you have to forgive yourself. When you recognize that part of the struggle is actually just acknowledging the struggle. I was so mad at me for failing me that for a little while I forgot that me was having a hard time too. Taking the time to work through it emotionally gave me the strength to get back to this point.
Because I'm a perfectionist, and I expect absolutely nothing less from me. Accepting that my circumstances have changed and will again is hard, and something that a few but not many speak about openly. So I'm trying that. To just speak openly and put it all on the table. It's been scary sometimes, but overall just empowering.
💜💜💜I 100% agree with you. Giving yourself grace, forgiving yourself and having the courage to accept it- is VERY empowering. I am so glad you have given yourself time to work through this. From one perfectionist to another, I get it! Change is hard! I am so glad you have this safe space to speak honestly and freely. Jill (Team Member)
