MS and family/friends. Do they "get it" and how has that impacted you?
Being diagnosed with MS can be pretty alienating. At times, it feels like you can only "get" MS if you get MS. Sometimes, no matter how much someone who doesn't have MS reads about the disease, it can still feel like they don't understand. That's if they take the time to try, not everyone takes the time to learn about our illness and that can be frustrating.
I am somewhat lucky (if you can call it that) that many of my family and friends had some knowledge of MS because my grandfather had it and we cared for him. Even with that knowledge, I have still experienced issues with them (having to cancel often and also not traveling much has been problematic at times and make me pretty bummed). I've done my best to educate them over the years (usually by sending articles from this very site) and I think that has certainly helped them understand more. So I can't imagine what it must be like to have someone not take the time to learn even the basics of MS.
So how about you? Do your friends/family understand your MS? Have they taken the time to learn? Have you helped them learn? How has their attitude toward your illness impacted you?
I have allowed myself to become self isolated pretty much. I worked full time for nine years after my diagnosis. Been on disability for the past three. My boss at the time of my original diagnosis understood, somewhat, the changes I was going through and allowed me much leeway at work. Unfortunately, the last 4 years of work found me with a new boss that didn’t necessarily believe I was sick. He moved me to a new location over a hours drive from my home. That’s when I took my neurologist advice and went on disability. Nobody truly understands the mental aspect of MS, and I can’t seem to explain it correctly. Thus, I stay home a lot and don’t really want to engage with anyone. Far cry from who I was before MS. I know I need to change my attitude toward people. Maybe someday soon I will.
, Thank you so much for bringing up the mental aspect. My husband is extremely supportive of my physical limitations but doesn’t really get the mental aspect at all. I get easily overwhelmed when I have a lot on my plate which is often trying to take care of my 86 year old mothers needs while still having a 21 year old son living at home. Sometimes my husband just keeps throwing questions at me when he gets home from work. I know he’s just trying to make conversation but it stresses me out when he just keeps asking question after question and I just need some mental quietness. Hard to explain to someone or why your brain doesn’t work at all when you get really stressed. Like you I had to eventually quit work and am on disability mainly because of the slower processing of executive function. It’s hard to explain to people that you are still intelligent but can’t process at the same speed. I understand about being around people but try not to completely isolate yourself. I have a few really good friends who might not totally understand but never question me when I can’t do something so I try to get out and have fun with them when I can. Laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you just have to look for the humor in your life. I get it. I was a Director in 2 large Pharma corps. Great, great people. I was treated extremely well. I was very fortunate. I struggled a little bit with some people thinking I was faking it. That bothered me until I decided that their disbelief was their problem, not mine. I had ~125 scientists reporting to me, mostly PhD’s. I have only a Master’s degree. I had an up-hill battle initially, until I could prove my worth. Twenty (20) years later I still see some of these folks in my home (free beer and pizza!). Who says that friends can’t be bought? LOL!
They are still clue less still after all the information I have given them . And then they see me and ask wondering why I’m walking funny. The body cramps the tremors. It’s very tiring
My husband has been extremely supportive with me, for which I am grateful. My adult children seem to get it sometimes and other times not so much. Extended family and friends only a few seem to understand. I find what is most important is that I GET IT! So I can best decide what my ability is and what I can do to help myself through out each day. What I share and with whom.
I encountered some disbelief until I was forced to use a walker. The disbelief disappeared. People became very understanding and supportive. I am not at all bitter about their initial disbelief. I get it. There is far too much fakery around us all. Everyone is cautious about what they will allow themselves to believe. It’s a damned shame. It sure is. I commend you for your generous understanding regarding their disbelief in the beginning. I don’t think I could be that ounderstanding. Wishing you the best David.
