Difficult days
Do you ever have just a difficult day? One that just makes you want to shut down for a little while? One that you don't want to talk about, but desire some kind of kinship to know that you're not in it alone?
I've had a few days like this recently, that I try to hide how much I am feeling or ruminating... and it goes poorly. I'm not good with suppression (and I suppose that's actually healthy) but when I try I emote poorly. I tend to lash out inappropriately.
Difficult days... they are hard. And sometimes it just feels easier to not face them as they unfold. But I know that in truth it just complicates the mess by putting it off.
Feeling it right now, looking at difficult conversations at work the next couple of days that are triggering the younger me... I am so upset even just contemplating the outcome. I feel attacked. I feel that my new coworker just wants to take over the job that I've been excelling at for the last seven years, and she's being very aggressive with it. I feel like I don't have anyone higher in position than me that has my back. I also feel that I'm overreacting and I could have nothing to worry about. BUT it's caused me several horrible nights trying to sleep while worrying, and I just want to avoid it now. I don't even want to go to my meeting on Tuesday because I don't want to address it. I just want for everything to stop for a few moments.
I know, more emotion than anything else, but I imagine that every one here has a day, an experience, a situation, that can relate. My muscle spasticity is at an all-time high, the boat is in high seas with turbulent waters, the fatigue is hitting hard.
Thank you for letting me vent, and I look forward if anyone wants to share as well. 💜💜
You have unleashed a lot in your comment and I'm am absolutely honored that you trust this forum to hear your venting. Life is extremely difficult these days and with uncertainty comes additional challenges. Living with MS is enough of an unknown and having the additional strife at work, whether it is real or not, doesn't help. I have been in stressful workplaces before and know that feeling of watching my back. Have you prepared for your Tuesday meeting by at least writing down the points you want to be sure are covered? You might not need it in front of you but by at least writing it out it will help you to mentally prepare for what needs to be said. Any chance your meeting will involve someone from your HR department? that might be an important ally in this conversation. I hope you find others who can speak more to your specifics but I want you to know you are not alone. Don't forget to breathe, Laura, MSnet moderator DX '08. 
it sounds like you're being very thoughtful and methodical about your approach. And yes, remember all the wonderful breath work and mindfulness practices that you know and have used before.
Alene (team member)keep us posted! Imagine us as your invisible army walking alongside you to the meeting. 😀
Alene (team member)
thank you for trusting us with this experience that you're having. It feels like each time we share the realities of hard days, our community grows closer and stronger. It helps us all feel less alone and talking about it gives us a healthy outlet to process the thoughts and emotions. I know how much your work and coworkers mean to you. I will always remember how you take care of them on YOUR birthday. It's such a thoughtful and fun tradition that I admire. So I'm sure having someone come on the team that somewhat shakes that dynamics is unsettling.
I'm glad that your sharing your feelings here and also keeping perspective that we can be guilty sometimes of building out stories/scenarios that may never come to fruition. It's a fine dance of stating the obvious but not going down the far of all the hypotheticals. I know that dance all too well!Most of all, I hope that you're getting an opportunity to quiet your mind in the evening so that you can rest at the end of the day. Keep us posted on how everything goes and thank you again for sharing such an important topic with us.
Best
Alene (team member)I am so thankful for the community support, and to the community for allowing me a voice!
I decided to take my humor with me to the office today, and played some fun pranks as I made my rounds before the meeting. Hid a candy under my 'mom's' mouse while she was away from her desk, hid a candy under another coworkers handset of her phone, etc. Got some love and laughs to bolster me.
And the meeting went well. My GM was in agreement with me and my approach, and we were able to constructively find some action items for my coworker to take on in the afternoons that are more in line with her role. Hopefully things will get easier with her, and she stops being so... frantic trying to jump 20 steps ahead.
Breathing easy tonight 💜
thanks for that update. I'm so glad it went well and was a positive meeting. Here's to more productive times and pranks at work! - Laura
