Thought I Was OK

I thought I was ok with being diagnosed with rrms cause my neurologist had gave me the heads up about the possibility of me having ms. When I got the official word that I have rrms I thought I was ok with it because I was preparing myself for this day. A couple of weeks ago I had a breakdown in the middle of the night and I didn't want to wake my wife up and just to settle myself down I started to write a letter on the computer and when I was finished I read it, it was a goodbye letter to my wife.

In my mind and what I put in words was that I was going to end my life to make hers easier for her cause she didn't sign up for this. She has been through all the ups and downs and the not knowing what the future is going to hold for us with me having ms. with me since being diagnosed a year ago and I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. I printed it out and I waited to after dinner the next night to show her, to come clean that I had a moment of weakness. She really is my rock. I was really selfish writing that but it made me realize what I have and what I would do to my love ones.

I now know more than ever that I have the best support system anyone could ask for. My wife is an angel sent. My family is awesome and have supported me through this thing. I am new to this. I never wrote a blog or anything like this ever, so I am sorry if this seems like I rambling on but it does feel good to write at least one experience with this awful disease. If you read this thank you taking the time to do it.