Am I a fighter? I thought I was, but never imagined this kinda fight.
Recently, my husband and I were discussing this. He said he thinks of different temperaments as one of three when faced with a challenge: fight, flight, or freeze. He saw his as flight, mine as fight, and both of ours taking occasional freeze responses, in light of extreme and startling news, a common survival strategy meant to give pause for reflection.
I've always been a fighter
Yes, in the 25 years we've been together I've been a fighter. I didn't have MS for the first 5 years together, and before this what the hell sorts of challenges did I even have (comparatively speaking)?! I mean, I did as an experience resides in its own relative context, but I sure as hell was putting out some needless and self-exhausting energy for awhile! Glad I grew from those days!
When things feel like a challenge
When you have a debilitating, chronic illness and especially as it progresses, everything can feel like a fight. Getting pants on is a wrestling match, filling out a form with a pen that's hard to grip is a tenuous task, swimming laps while your right arm no longer extends fully is a struggle, and even holding my cat is difficult.
Being the best you
Thing is, we live in a society built on these heroic standards that mandate all to reach for their highest aspirations, dominate their fields of interest, and beat the odds no matter the obstacles. These expectations are unrealistic and can foster feelings of inadequacy in even the highest achievers. I used to tell my kids that there will always be someone better in soccer than you, prettier than you, more popular than you, but there will never be one more YOU than you, so ya gotta concentrate on being the best you that you can be.
Sure, MS has deprived me of fulfilling a lot of my former aspirations, but certain things it can never touch. What are those things for you?
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