It's Not Like if You Had Multiple Sclerosis

In 2010, I was 19 when paresthesia affected one of my legs. It was a shy beginning of the disease. Even if I fell in the stairs, I wasn't worried and didn't pay attention. My sensations came back to normal after few weeks.

One year later, I had my second relapse; bigger numbness with weakness and Lhermitte's sign. My family doctor asked me if I was thinking it was severe and I said "no". Everything went fast from my generalist to an MRI, then from my first neurologist to my diagnosis.

"It is not like if you had Multiple Sclerosis," said my mom. I asked her what was that but she never replied. Now, I know, and better than she ever will. It wasn't hard for me to hear that I had a chronic illness, but it was awful to have to tell it to my parents cause I wasn't their first child to be sick without any possible cure.

After my relatives heard about my diagnosis, some of them was unable to greet me without crying. It was always seems harder for them than for me. If my healthiest years was under a count down I shouldn't spend my time crying.

At 23, I quit my job due to health problems.

I had cognitive dysfunction, I had no diploma and I was tired of going to the hospital non-stop while being passive. That's why I decided to study medicine. At College, nobody knows I have MS. I will be soon a third year med student and time to time I'm freaking out. I'm absolutely not sure that I will finish my studies one day seeing what my health became in 7 years. I'm fighting for my rights as a spoonie student. I stopped to compare myself to other students.

Maybe I did the wrong choice, maybe not. I know my weaknesses at the moment but I don't know anything about those of tomorrow. I'm not a positive person, I'm on my third treatment and I often have 3 to 4 relapses by year. My hands coordination is going wrong, my fatigue also and paresthesia never left me. I have good days, bad days. I'm 26 and sometimes I can't even stay sit for 30 minutes. But despite all of this, I found love and support.

My MS is not yours.
Vice versa.

[special thanks to Devin Garlit for his articles]