My Journey

Disclaimer: The following story may be triggering to some as it mentions suicide attempts. If you or someone you know are currently having thoughts of harm, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

My journey through this life has certainly caused me to get myself into some calamities that I think you guys may find entertaining. I want you to know that the only reason I am here is because the lord has more in store for me. I have managed to get sober and will give that credit to the good Lord and the AA family that I am part of. One man more importantly I credit with saving my life is my friend Wayne.

It had taken it's toll

I had gotten out of jail in 2011 and hung around Waldoboro for a while. Failing miserably I had to just leave, I couldn't do it anymore and I was tired. The drugs, the drinking had been taking a toll on me both mentally and physically and I looked like a walking dead man. Everything that I had ever cared about or loved I had walked away from in the pursuit of just not feeling the pain. It just wasn't working anymore and I spent day after day just praying for unconsciousness and praying I would not wake up tomorrow. Then I got arrested for a probation violation.

A night that took a turn

The day I got out I kept on going right through Waldoboro. I was staying in Rockland in 2012. It was October 6th and the anniversary of my father's passing. I had had a couple of friends at the time come over to hang out with me because I was having I hard time. They brought brandy with them which is god awful but the women seem to love it. I don't remember much of it but another suicide attempt was underway. I guess we had gone to the Waterworks, a female and male friend of mine. When we got back upstairs to my apartment I just took the covers off all of my medication bottles and chased it with that brandy. A half-hour later they called one of their friends for a ride and waited for her to arrive. By the time she came to pick them up, they had to step right over my dying body and took the watch off my wrist as they did just that.

She saved my life

They jumped in this woman's truck and told her what had happened she jumped out and rushed up the stairs while calling 911. That woman was a nurse and she gave me CPR until the ambulance arrived and saved my life. I still have no idea who she is. I am eternally grateful to her and again the ambulance took me away.
I awoke in the hospital emergency room a day and a half later in a straight jacket and I panicked. I managed to get my teeth on a strap and peeled that thing up over my head and threw it in the corner. I was outta here I thought to myself as I looked down and noticed the catheter tube sticking out of me. In one quick motion I ripped that thing out and I wasn't going anywhere. I dropped back onto that gurney as security arrived and I told them I'm good. I'm just gonna lay right here, which I did and ended up sleeping in that er room for 5 nights until they found a bed for me in Brunswick.

Realizing there was another way

This is when I saw there was a way. I was in there for 19 days and I knew I had to turn to God to be saved. The madness of my mind and the depths of my angst and all the weight of the world that I'd been holding was overwhelming me. The drugs and alcohol. Didn't work anymore. My medications weren't effective because I was so inebriated that I don't know how I'm still here. I thank God every day that He has helped me to endure. I'm still a very flawed man with MS. However now I am sober and have received the gift of peace.