In Love With A Man With MS
I am 54 years old and in love with a man who has had MS since 2006. He is 51 and lives with his overprotective, overly religious parents. We are a gay couple. They do not allow him to visit me 45 minutes drive away, but they do allow me to take him out for lunch once a week. He is very religious himself and on some levels feels like he still has issues with being gay. It's unclear.
He abused alcohol as a young man in his twenties and had to go to rehab. He repeats jokes and song parodies over and over. His former boyfriend told me that he was doing this long before the MS diagnosis.
I love him dearly, but he seems completely devoted to his mother and only does what she says. He is not allowed to have privacy. His bedroom door must be open at all times-it's always been this way. He even sleeps in the same bed he had as a child. She keeps him a child. The father is VERY passive, like Gary. The mother literally dominates every area of their lives. I've become friends with her to get closer to Gary. One has to do this to have any kind of relationship with him.
I do believe he loves me. He calls me once a day at night and when his parents aren't home. He's embarrassed to say "I love you" to me in front of them. He vows and declares he's not ashamed of me, though it took him almost three years to have me meet his parents.
We exchanged rings in 2013 and I would like to marry him, but he said he would have to live with his parents and they can never know.......
He is on Tecfidera now. He was on the shots, Avonex when I met him. He was on ampyra, but his mother almost didn't give it to him because she had read it caused loose bowels and she said "I'm not cleaning that up!" This was during the time last winter when he could hardly walk. I had to take care of my late husband after his stroke for years before he died in 2006. I had to clean him up, change his diaper, etc. It made me mad that she withheld his medicine for a month. The neurologist's nurses finally convinced her to give him the med and he got better. She and he both believe in Jesus curing him.
He's doing better on the Tecfidera. She delayed him going on that for awhile, but I went online and allayed her fears by reading the Q & A section of a site on the drug.
It's just frustrating loving someone and not being able to be a part of their life or help with his care. He goes to the neurologist Wednesday, but I'm not allowed to go with him.
I have a ring on my finger saying he belongs to me, but he belongs to her and the way he acts I think he wants to belong to her. He keeps promising me things will change, but they don't. When I ask him to confront his mom he says "I'm chickenshit honey".
I'll always be here for him. He knows that. I think that gives him comfort.
Join the conversation