I ONL

By gr7k5n

1 min read

Here comes the holidays again. I can't shake this feeling of doom, to everyone else I'm normal. I was diagnosed in 2012 these past 2 1/2 years has been strange to say the least. I am constantly in pain and paranoid. Why? Everyday it's something else in my life. I thought I was suppose to live stress free, huh! Get real. I just turned 60 I don't want to live anymore. I am so tired. I have been looking for a job, let's face it not only am I old but I have MS. I use to be superwoman, career, home, cars and money. It's all gone now. I am married for twenty years, he has taken me through 2 heart attacks, loss of job, 4 bouts of pneumonia, drug addiction, violent alcoholic, belts palsy, depression, and lung cancer. My daughter lives with me and her husband and 2 year old. He's an ex-con and she works 12 hours a week and is bi-polar and just told me yesterday she's pregnant. Her daughter I can already see has a lot of her rage. Oh did I mention she lives with us to take care of me, huh. My biggest problem is I need a job, just to get away. I have a degree and I am an analyst. Well analyze that. Why would I let someone or something destroy my home that I love so much, I can't find peace anywhere. I want to work but no one will hire me. I can't get past the interview. What's wrong with me, because the final stage will be to lose my home, that I think about daily. You see I take Copaxone 3 times a week, it's working but I'm fed up with the injections and I look normal, I just don't know where to turn next I'm terrified. Any suggestions?

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617wc Member
If your trying to get a job and have a disability try to look in your area for Vocational Rehab They maybe able to help you Its a hard situation
1. gr7k5n Member
 Thank u so much I will look in to it
Kelly McNamara Community Admin
Hi Cheryl. Thank you so much for sharing your story here! It takes a lot of strength and courage to share everything so honestly. We've reached out privately by email but just wanted to say thanks again for being a part of our community. The community's always here, whether your looking for support or just want to talk. Also, one of contributors wrote an article about resources available to help search for work that might be worth checking out: <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/help-for-the-disabled-looking-for-work' target='_blank'>http://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/help-for-the-disabled-looking-for-work/</a>. Warmly, Kelly, Community Manager
1. gr7k5n Member
 Thanks Kelly for listening
wizardsmom6 Member
Cheryl, I'm so sorry for your situation. You have so much going on but none of it seems to be for you. Have you considered the Copaxone as a source of some of your anxiety? I don't know much about Copaxone but do know that medications can cause that feeling you are talking about, the anxiety and paranoia. Have you spoke to your doctor about your feelings? I would start there. The holidays are hard for a lot of people. Just hang in there and speak with your doctor. Krissy
1. gr7k5n Member
 Thanks you are so right none of it is mine
jackiemack Member
Cheryl, Please realize you can't do it all, for everyone, all the time! My Mom struggled with my diagnosis and I remember telling her we shouldn't think of the distant future only make each moment great. Take one thing at a time. Seek the help of an advisor through a county hospital, urgent care facility, the MS Foundation, a local support group, something for yourself. I wish you well.
1. gr7k5n Member
 Thank u so much good advise