I Have MS But It Doesn't Have ME!

I have been diagnosed with Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis since September 2020, and I can only describe my life as a roller coaster ride since then. The days leading up to my diagnosis will be a part of my trauma for the rest of my life.

What I first noticed

I started experiencing double vision (diplopia) which only progressed worse and worse by the day. Everyone around me kept writing it off as vision issues, maybe I needed better glasses. But I knew my body and I knew something was not right. Once my vision got to the point that I could not drive and could not see people in front of me, I knew I had to do something before I completely loss my vision. A trip to urgent care changed my life forever.

What I'll never forget hearing

I will never forget the doctor saying "you have nerve damage and need to get to the hospital ASAP!". The first person I called before taking another step was my grandma because I knew I needed prayer more than anything at that moment. My boyfriend and I left urgent care and started our 2 hour trip to a better hospital than in my local area, in hopes of finding out what had caused this sudden nerve damage.

The thoughts that began racing through my mind

What I expected to be an in and out trip at the ER, turned out to be a week hospital stay with extensive testing which lead me to the words that sunk my heart. "I'm sorry but you have Multiple Sclerosis and while there is no cure, we will do everything it takes for you to live a long, comfortable life. So many thoughts raced through my head, "will I die?", "how long do I have?", "will I end up in a wheelchair?".

What my diagnosis made me

See the thing that bothers me so much about having MS is the uncertainty, no one can tell you what your tomorrow will be like. You can only pray for the best and live every day like it is your last. I still mourn my old life every day, some days harder than others. But my diagnosis has made me a warrior. I am a stronger, and more wiser mother, significant other, love one, and most importantly, woman. Multiple Sclerosis has taken so much from me that I will never get back but I will always fight for the cure, fight to not let it win. Because I have MS but it will NEVER have me!