Feeling very depressed

By megan23

1 min read

Hi everyone, I was diagnosed at 16 with MS. I am now 36, and doing pretty well with it (knock on wood, fingers crossed, etc...). I lost my father when he was 47 to this disease, I was just turning 13 at the time. I've had a lot of ups & downs in my life as I'm sure all of you have had. Lately, I'm feeling very, very unhappy. Like the whole world is caving in on me. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get ahead. Every time I turn around, there's another doctors bill to pay, something goes wrong with the car, an extra bill pops up. I was on my way to a career in nursing when I fell very ill and had to be admitted in a hospital. Needless to say, I was never able to make it back to finish school in nursing, however I did receive my Associates Degree. Bottom line is I had a career I was working towards to be sure I could care for my child with no help from others. A life that I would work hard at and be able to live comfortably. I feel that this is not what I had in mind as my life. No money, can't work, late on bills all the time, feeling worthless. I know money isn't everything, and I should be grateful that I have a roof over my head and food in the house. I should be grateful I'm not as bad as others are, and I truly am!! But I can not stop thinking about how I want to be able to go places & do things while I can...and I can't. Anyone else going through anything like this?

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Christina Mattoni-Brashear Moderator
Hi MSFighter, I'm so sorry to hear what you're experiencing and that you're feeling so depressed. One of the hardest things to get past is the picture in our heads of how we thought our lives were going to be and creating a new plan. Others in the community may also be able to share their experiences and offer support or advice, and if you haven't yet posted in our forums, you may want to check them out: <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net/forums' target='_blank'>https://multiplesclerosis.net/forums/</a> Additionally, I wanted to share these articles that I thought might be helpful - you're definitely not alone here: <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/how-a-study-of-64-veterans-may-help-the-multiple-sclerosis-community-with-fatigue-and-depression' target='_blank'>https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/how-a-study-of-64-veterans-may-help-the-multiple-sclerosis-community-with-fatigue-and-depression/</a> <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/just-stay-positive-get-now' target='_blank'>https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/just-stay-positive-get-now/</a> Take care, and please stop back to let us know how you're doing! We'll be thinking of you! Warmly, -Christina (MultipleSclerosis.net Team)
1. chalknpens Member
 I am sure I had MS symptoms in my late twenties, though I wasn't diagnosed until my late fifties. I lived through years of trying not to look tired. I worked very hard as a happily married adult to finish my college education and get the teaching career I wanted. I denied the symptoms while I worked for thirty years as a teacher, and they were challenging but rewarding years. Once formally diagnosed, I began the 'treatments' and went downhill fast, emotionally and cognitively, and had to retired earlier than I wished. But after discontinuing the treatments and finding more understanding doctors, I'm back on an upswing emotionally, and somewhat cognitively. Don't give in to the sadness ... there is better living through the right chemistry and the right doctors. Please don't think that the one size fits all injections and orals are the only answer for you ... intelligent nutrition will give you your life back. Think of food as your body's fuel, and buy the best you can afford. Walk away from the stuff that you know will weigh you down.
Devin Garlit Moderator
I wish I had something I could say that would magically help. I don't have that, but I can tell you that I understand and you aren't alone. I'm 38, diagnosed 16 years at this point and I can say very much that this is not the life I had planned for myself. I also had a relative (grandfather) who had MS and I watched him as a child get worse and worse until he finally succumbed to the disease. So I too have seen first hand how bad things can really be. I find some hope that there are new and better treatments every day but mainly I get some sort of hoping in just hearing that others understand what I am going through. I know, how can anyone find hope in something like that? Maybe hope is the wrong word, but I at least feel some peace, some solace in that when I'm having a bad day, I know others have and are experiencing it as well which means I'm not alone in this struggle and neither are you. Keep up the fight!
1. megan23 Member
 Thank you, I appreciate the response. I am just having a "woe is me" week, which seems to be happening quite often. Seems like I have no luck at all with ANYTHING. Take care of yourself & thank you again.
kristier1979 Member
Couldn't have said it better!! I feel the same way! I was diag 2007 and I'm 37 now. I worked hard Thru school & got my degree in Animal Science. I was beginning my 7th yr working at my company. Worked hard to get closer to the top. The most $$$ I have made. I was HAPPY. I was doing what I was suppose to be doing I my life.....and the MS happened. Still to this day I have unresolved issues with everything & anything that surrounds what MS has taken from me. Not to mention now i can't even buy food & normal things in order to live... I went from making GOOD money To now ashamed to even be getting SSDI. Like an 1/8 of my, at the time, reg. Pay check. Sigh....idc what people say and I'm not trying to be a Debbie downer but MS is evil. It's just not right.
1. megan23 Member
 I completely understand the feeling like you sound like a "Debbie Downer". TRUST ME that's my life story!!! I know no one wants to hear it and to be honest, I am even tired of talking so negative, but it just comes out. Your not a Debbie Downer though. Your right.."It just sucks"
whiteboy592 Member
You are not alone, I was diagnosed in September of last year. My right eye got foggy and I can't do things I love anymore because of that, I lost complete motor skills of my legs, I had to have someone help me walk everywhere I went. I got down in a really low spot in my life to where I was considering taking my own life but I had one friend that spent a lot of time with me before I was diagnosed and still does. I was lucky enough to find a girl that doesn't look at me any different for having MS and now we're engaged. But the depression is still there, I have my alright days living with it and my really bad days where depression hits me hard but I guess talking to people that are going through the same exact thing as you helps your mental health more than friend and family. Just hang in there I know times get tough and bills come at you hard but remember that this is your life and you only get to live it once. Do what you love with whoever you want and don't let MS control what you love doing but that's easier said than done.
1. megan23 Member
 Thank you very much for responding. Take care of yourself, never give up