Strength isn't everything...

I was diagnosed in 2005. I was 25 years old with two small children ages 4 and 5. I was also married at that time for 6 years. I woke up one day feeling like I had slept on my face strangely, my eye was sore. I ignored it for a day or two and then my vision was blurry. I was convinced I had something in my eye. It's went on for a day or two. My right eye was sore and blurry. I had looked at web md and other like websites. They had me convinced I had glaucoma or something. I finally made an eye dr appointment.

On the day of my appt I received a call that the dr office had lost power and needed to reschedule me. On the day of my now rescheduled appt,I had absolutely NO VISION in my right eye. Yes, I drove to my appt, my husband was at work and my mother in law was watching my boys. My eye dr ran several test and then said I had Optic Neuritis. He then informed me that 50% of people who have THAT have MS. He immediately sent me to a specialist in Seattle.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

I drove,yes...again...to Seattle. They did an MRI and several more eye tests and sent me home. The next day he called me with the results. MS Awareness Month I was alone, walking into a subway restaraunt and he told me my MRI shows spots on my brain as an MS patient but he couldn't formally diagnose me until I had multiple symptoms. It wasn't a month later my legs were vibrating like crazy. It felt like my cell phone was in my back pocket! I went back in and he officially diagnosed me. I went through all of this by myself. My husband had his own business and was very business. Putting on a strong front I felt I had it handled...no big deal!

Reality had not sunk in. Years went by...I refused medication. I had small relapses here and there. In August of 2009 I left my husband. I started dating a new man shortly thereafter. He knew of my diagnosis and accepted it. A few months into our relationship I had a big relapse where the right side of my face went completely paralyzed. Very embarrassing in a new relationship!! In 2011 I had my third child and since I was on state medical I decided to start the medication for MS. I had an absolute breakdown.

I finally accepted the fact that I had MS and I couldn't handle it. It was extremely difficult to be on is medication because it was me admitting I had something that I couldn't control. I became very depressed and very emotional and very mean. I started seeing a psychiatrist but she didn't want to put me on depression medication which I felt I needed. I still feel I need..but then again I'm admitting weakness! It's been a rough few years for me. I handled it alone and I still feel like I handle it alone. I feel like nobody understands how I feel. I refuse to use MS as a crutch or an excuse for anything, basically I try to be TOO strong when I'm not.

The battle continues... I think my biggest struggle with MS is the emotional part of it. I have mood swings that are ridiculous, anger issues, but again, the battle continues. A cure would be nice!!!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.