DEPRESSION AND WHAT IT CAN DO

1 min read

I am currently in the throws of a deep and very dark MS depression. It has me consumed with periodic thoughts of suicide. I don't have emotional help from my spouse with regard to my MS. I believe he chooses to think that there is nothing wrong with me. I cannot afford to see a therapist. I don't like or respect my pastor and I believe he feels the same way about me. My depression is so bad that even my faith is being tried. I don't want to become part of the statistic of suicides in MS patients.

It all stems from being robbed by MS. Almost everything I used to love to do has slowly been taken from me. Everything that brought me the most joy in my life is gone. I am literally losing my mind. I recently took a cognitive test and only got a total of 17 out of 30. So my body does not work correctly and my mind is going as well. What is left? Can MS rob me of my soul?

Please tell me there is someone I can talk to about MS depression. I really need help.

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Kelly McNamara Community Admin
Hi Dragon Lady, We commend you sharing your story so courageously! We're so sorry to hear about your distress and apologize you're hurting so badly. I can't imagine everything you're going through but please just know there's always someone who's willing to listen and to hear you. If you ever feel like you need help, don't hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or online at <a href='https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/</a> or any local options such as medical professionals, counselors, or support groups. There are a few other resources that can be great as well. - MS society's peer-to-peer support resource: <a href='https://www.msconnection.org/Support/One-on-One-Peer-Connections' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://www.msconnection.org/Support/One-on-One-Peer-Connections</a>. - The Multiple Sclerosis Association of America hotline and online chat: <a href='https://mymsaa.org/msaa-help/mschat/' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>http://mymsaa.org/msaa-help/mschat/</a>. - Also, if texting is easier, we've found the texting tool the Crisis Text Line has been very useful for others who are just looking to talk. You can reach them by texting 741741. We're all thinking of you. Sometimes online support comes a little easier, and the community's here whenever you need. Warmly, Kelly, <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net' target='_blank'>MultipleSclerosis.net</a> Team Member
jordan Member
I think about you too. I have lost much.... I have my family. (but they are far (away), Jordan My story is near yours.
1. jordan Member
 I gave a special thank you to Dr. Sussman of Moorestown, the cardiologist who saved my life. wonderful dedicated dr. and human human being. stay well. jordan.
nancyw421 Member
I am thinking of you. I went through a period of depression, starting last fall. If you don't like your pastor, is there some other Christian person you can talk to? I pray for you. When I felt very down, I would go outside and just voncentrate on one thing in nature. A leaf, the blue sky, the sound of the wind. Anything to keep myself in this world.
jordan Member
you are in my thoughts. i am ok. my MS is stable. keep pushing. you are ok. j
CommunityMember9f00e0 Member
It would be nice to hear from you again: you wrote this 30 days ago. Depression is really difficult, but it is treatable. I think family physician is place to start. I have found support through a 12 Step program if that is applicable to you. There are many layers to this onion. I live near a major centre and was referred by the MS hospital to a neuropsychiatrist who in turn provided a counsellor with a specialty in cognitive therapy. (practical steps) Keep advocating for yourself. It would be nice to have emotional support from your spouse, but it's not always the case. I try to be proactive regarding my major depression. I still drive and try to get out of the house every day. Hospital provided Body/Mindfulness training. It is all a process. Cognitive decline is frightening. Try writing down what you do accomplish even if it is a simple as 1.got up.2.washed and dressed.3.got on with day i.e. (planned meal) (sorted laundry) Remember that depression is treatable and anxiety can be managed. Ask the pastor if there is anyone else you can talk to - you are really struggling. He/she might surprise you. It's always unlikely that we are a perfect fit with everyone. Still human. Trust your inner strength.