MS and Accepting Both the Bitter and the Sweet

As January of this year unfolds, I anxiously await what is yet to be revealed throughout these next twelve months about any future and possible improvements or further lessening of my abilities from MS. Yes I’m anxious, hard as I may try not to be. Unpredictability is the bitterness of MS and the after taste is constant.

So as it is, last year is a wrap, and 2013 (yeah lucky number 13), proved for me to be one of the most challenging years yet in dealing with my MS. Truly ranking up there with the one eight years ago when an exacerbation put me out of secular work and my career permanently.

Unexpectedly and surreally, almost as an outside observer through the course of a year, I bore witness to myself as increasing bouts of decreased mobility and physical inabilities took their toll. I entered new territory barely being able to walk unassisted many times as upper body dexterity diminished more quickly with fatigue. I have learned much through this part of my journey, for as they say, experience is the greatest teacher. I have a deeper appreciation for my fellow MSers living with severe mobility issues with whom not too long ago, I was unable to relate to this extent. You are strong and determined beyond wordy descriptions.

For sure, my coping skills of mind and spirit have been tested to extents not experienced before. I found myself at times struggling not to sink deep into depression. I have won that battle thus far, continually knocking on wood as I chant positive mantras.

However and despite all the challenges, this year also gave me some of the sweetest moments ever in my life. My youngest child’s acceptance to her chosen college, hearing my first and only granddaughter from my eldest daughter say ”I love you” as only a two year old can, and my son finally putting his smarts to good use and getting his act together….whew!

So, I must chalk up last year to being the year of what a significant part of my MS life has become, one of difficult adjustments and reluctant acceptance. Both bitter pills to swallow, but I became a more enlightened person for it; and to joys and firsts, in which those very sweet things have trumped those tart little pills. After all, life is made up of both the bitter and the sweet. So despite MS, may our sweets trump our bitters this coming year, and all that follow.