Hi, ! I am so sorry you are depressed right now. It sounds like you are doing all that you can to take care of your mental health and I think that's awesome. Keep doing what you're doing and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If hospitalization is what you feel you need to have a moment to breathe and re-group, then please keep that in mind. You do what you need to do for yourself and your health. That said, every person here understands how terrifying and daunting a diagnosis of MS can be. Our members have been there and they get the overwhelming being diagnosed can be -- you are NOT ALONE in this!
And yes, the wait is absolutely excruciating at times! It's like waiting on a cancer diagnosis. I mean, I know doctors and lab technicians have lives they have to live, too, but it would be nice to not have to wait days (or weeks) for those test results.
One of our contributors is a young mom to four (including TRIPLET toddlers!) and she writes some tips for the newly diagnosed here -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/advice-for-newly-diagnosed. And here's a compilation of tips from our community members -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/tips-for-the-newly-diagnosed.
I know you may be facing a diagnosis of PPMS. I would just focus on the now and if that's the diagnosis that you receive, we can help you process that as well. It is a more aggressive form of MS and a rarer form as well. But, we have community members and contributors living with PPMS, too.
I think you are doing fabulously. You're a mom (as am I), so you know that sometimes, our children's biggest accomplishments and successes don't come easy. Your journey to diagnosis is like that. It's messy and hard and somedays, it's two-steps-forward-one-step-back. You can do this. You sound like you are very attuned to your physical and mental health and you are being proactive, which is HUGE.
Do what you can to take each day as it comes (easier said than done, I know 😉 ). And know that you CAN do this and you already ARE doing this. That doesn't mean this is easy or fun or pretty, but you are doing it!
Please keep us posted on how you are doing and about those results, if you feel comfortable doing so. And I hope those results come soon!
Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.